we live in a place that i call “our peace of paradise“!!!! when i look out at our surroundings … i see a divinely created, sacred place that fills my heart with unexplainable joy! i see and feel this same way when we are traveling to and from our teeny homestead! there are a bunches of times lately though that i am having a hard time remembering and seeing the beauty all around me! hence the beginning of my personal blog … to capture my feelings and experiences and to guide me back to my heart’s path!!!
this blog is the journey i’m going to be on of healing my body and my heart! there are issues that have come up in all areas of my life lately but the one that began this recent journey is of course a health issue. our bodies try and speak to us in many ways beginning with gentle then stepping it up notches until we finally have to take notice. well, i’m taking notice and action to address this now!
the catalyst for this part of my journey i believe began with building our teeny home. we’ve all heard about the challenges that come with building your own home. well, i now know from first hand experience, that building a home is mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting and fucking hard on relationships too! sooooo, here we go on a journey through my heart and mind! hold on cuz things will get bumpy and as a precaution to any who read this … i use curse words (a lot), my thinking is not conventional by any stretch of the imagination and my heart feels things in a BIG way!
been feeling pretty crappy lately! bladder, kidney, urinary tract or something causing pain and an uneasiness. feeling very low on energy for about 6 mos or more. saw dr about 3 wks ago and had a urine analysis done. lots of red and white blood cells showed up in strip test and then they did a culture and nothing grew. so i took antibiotics for 7 days for no reason. after i finished the script about 2 days later the pain and uneasiness returned. in the ‘heal your body’ book by louise hay (love this book and i have great love and respect for louise hay) the reason for a uti is … “pissed off. usually at the opposite sex or a lover. blaming others.” … the affirmation for this is … “i release with joy and ease the pattern in my consciousness that created this condition. i am willing to change. i love and approve of myself.” the reason for bladder/cystitis … “anxiety. holding on to old ideas. fear of letting go. being pissed off.” the affirmation for this …”i comfortably and easily release the old and welcome the new in my life. i am safe.” what i see in the 2 probable causes is being PISSED OFF!!! and boy oh boy has this been true! i have had a lot of pissyness with john and my mom recently! i’ve also been upset with some friends of mine and my sister too. this is proceeded with some judgements about their ‘treatment’ of me and blame! sooooooo, my conclusion for myself … holding onto anger, resentment, ugliness and judgement is detrimental to my health and spirit!!! NO SHIT right???
needless to say, during the construction and stress of the DYI build of our ‘teeny home in the ozarks’ i have NOT been taking good care of myself, mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually! the time to has come to change things up. this will all be done in stages of course because my intent is to be gentle, loving, kind and respectful to my goddess temple and spirit!!!
i’ll begin with healing my gut/immune system. which will include no more hideous glyphosate, majority organic foods, fermented foods (kefir, kimchi, yogurt, kombucha tea, etc) and lots of nice fresh well/spring water. beginning with being gentle with myself, not allowing any frustration or self judgement to add to the fucking pressure i already feel.
as i begin with the foods we eat, i’ll also add in yoga and meditation. we have an such an awesome beginnings to our teeny home and it’s already a divine space to begin my yoga and meditation practices. (the trailer has been too damn cramped, tiny and full of dog hair to practice any yoga on the floor and i just chose not to sit down and meditate.) i already began putting pressure on myself by deciding i needed to do these first thing in the morn! fuck that!!!! up until now, mornings aren’t my favorite time of day. so remembering that i am the “queen goddess” in charge of me, i decided to be gentle with myself and allow for another time of day to practice my yoga and meditation. whether that will be afternoon or night depends on the day and how i am feeling. this whole new way of being with myself will ultimately be guided by my personal flow which translated means my “heart’s desires”!!!
in the food department, i’m going to give myself a break from home cooked foods until my new kitchen is ready which should be by sept 3rd. preparing and cooking foods in this trailer kitchen is a bitch to say the least!!! the refrigerator is tiny, the oven doesn’t cook anything right and you can only cook on one burner at a time and don’t forget it’s august and hotter than hell inside the trailer. plus the sink is tiny with no room to put dishes when they are drying and the counter space to prepare food is less than 2 square feet. seeeeeeeee, anger issues! bless and release, bless and release ……. gotta love and appreciate what you have now to create more good in your world right!!!! anyway, we’ll eat as healthy and clean as we can under the current circumstances releasing the pressure to be perfect. ahhhhh, a deep breath! it does feel good to let go of the self imposed perfectionism shit! i will get some kefir and kombucha going this weekend and i’ll chop up the ingredients for kimchi and begin there to heal the gut.
the yoga and meditation will begin this saturday after they finish spraying the foam insulation in and the off gassing is done. boy do my hips, neck and lower back need some good easy stretching and my heart and mind need some stillness and peace!
i’m looking forward to my changing world and the peace and joy that come along with it! plus, some great mind blowing sex with my squishy, will be more than appreciated when the twat area is feeling back to it’s goddess self!!!!!
i’ll bring ya along for the ride!
lots of love,